Hiding From Love
Hiding From Love
Based on John Townsend's book "Hiding From Love", these twelve, short videos (less than 20 min each) walk through the main concepts, which include other resources and Bible passages to apply the concepts to our lives. When one of the four parts of our soul gets damaged or hurt, we should withdraw in order to prepare our heart to re-engage relationally, otherwise we become isolated and limited because the damaged part is unavailable to be healed, mature and grow.
Introduction
Part 1 of 12
by Lee Boger
Attachment Need
Part 2 of 12
by Lee Boger
Attachment is important to God – It’s who he is. Everything in creation from ecosystems, animal and marine food chains and the 40 week gestation period for humans is meant to connect and depend on each other. Injury usually comes from a relationship where trust has been broken or a deficit occurs because a person has never experienced this level of emotional intimacy.
Attachment HurtsNHope
Part 3 of 12
by Lee Boger
What if this need for attachment is a deficit in your life? You find yourself isolated emotionally and relationally from others. It’s usually a result from one of two things:
(1) Relational hurts that have not healed or
(2) You have never experienced it.
Do you have one or several loving, “safe” relationships where you can be transparent and still feel loved and accepted? (other than a dog...)
Attachment Hiding
Part 4 of 12
by Lee Boger
In order to compensate for the attachment need not being met, we develop hiding patterns, which are helpful to protect us from further hurts and damage, but can be harmful if left in place for a long time.
The purpose of hiding is to temporarily withdraw so that the heart can regroup itself to reattach with “safe”, loving people. After a long time, if this does not occur, then isolation sets in, which can lead us to believe the lie that the need to attach no longer exists.
In other words, we begin living as if we do not have needs and do not need to be attached to anyone.
Separateness Need
Part 5 of 12
by Lee Boger
Separateness allows us to become a person with their own will, opinions, boundaries and an accurate sense of responsibility. This injury may be caused by enmeshment struggles, abuse or parental failure to encourage separation.
Separateness Hiding
Part 6 of 12
by Lee Boger
Boundaries help us identify “ownership”, which clarifies what is ours and what isn’t. Clear boundaries are the gateway to a loving heart. Remember that a boundary isn’t about telling someone else what to do; it’s about deciding what you will do. Without healthy boundaries, we develop hiding patterns that keep us from living as separate adults.
Resolving our Good and Bad Selves Need
Part 7 of 12
by Lee Boger
We have a need to accept the bad parts of ourselves and of the world. It’s important because it helps us bring our own badness to a place of forgiveness and have a realistic understanding of a fallen world. If we fail to keep our “badness” in relationships, that is with God and safe people, then it remains unforgiven and broken.
Some people have not experienced sufficient grace to be assured that they will not lose attachment if their faults are exposed.
Resolving our Good and Bad Selves Hiding
Part 8 of 12
by Lee Boger
Being made in God’s image allows us to see the good and perfect design, but knowing “good and evil” also frustrates us to not experience that perfect world all the time.
This can lead to All-or-Nothing or Black-and-White thinking, which makes connecting relationally difficult. In this module, we’ll look at where this injury can come from and some of the hiding patterns we create to avoid dealing with this deficiency.
Authority and Adulthood Need
Part 9 of 12
by Lee Boger
We have a need to become adults and be comfortable with authority, which includes a mature view of personal power, expertise, responsibility, appropriate submission, sexuality and the ability to think independently.
Authority and Adulthood Hiding
Part 10 of 12
by Lee Boger
We have a need to become adults and be comfortable with authority. In this module, we are going to look at how this need can be damaged from being raised in a home where there was an improper use of authority, such as too strict, too lenient or just inconsistent.
Healing Part 1
Part 11 of 12
by Lee Boger
A “Soul Injury” is a wound to our sense of self and stifles our full potential because it separates us from who we are meant to be. The person God created us to be. So how do we go about healing a soul injury?
We should withdraw to safe, loving people with God-centered values, so that the heart can prepare for reattachment. If we don’t reattach, the injured part isolates itself and stays in an emotional prison, broken and immature.
Over time, the real damage in isolation is that we believe the lie that we don’t need the damaged part of our soul, the very thing God has designed for us to flourish.
Healing Part 2
Part 12 of 12
by Lee Boger
Safe people have a continual flow of grace with the courage to tell us the truth. As a cast protects the tissues while the bone heals, the painful, physical therapy afterwards is needed to fully restore the body.
Similarly, relational therapy is sometimes painful, but needed to fully restore our “trust” or “forgiveness” muscles.